songs about buildings and food

from Star - “Spencer Wants Calf Implants!”

The Hills star Heidi Montag is no stranger to plastic surgery, and now her boyfriend, Spencer Pratt, plans to get calf implants to look more buff.

“Spencer works out with a trainer almost daily, but he can’t get rid of his skinny legs, and it drives him nuts. Heidi even nicknamed him Chicken Legs!” a pal tells Star. “Spencer is secretly insecure about his legs.”

But he still hasn’t gone through with the surgery. “He knows it’s a painful procedure.”

look at how low he’s got his shorts pulled down in this picture, like he’s trying to cover his calves entirely. it’s not a “yo bro, i’m down with hip hop” signifier, it’s body image issues. this carefully arranged photo shoot must have been sheer torture. where is the jezebel lovefest?

also, i really like that the title of the story has an exclamation point (”Spencer Wants Calf Implants!”). also i really like that to get an item in a tabloid, you don’t even have to have plastic surgery, you just have to be considering it. i could probably do some biblical bullshitting around with this, like spencer, post-surgery, praying to his shins while listening to the shins, but fuck it, this isn’t “lost,” guys.