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frosted cheerios

this is an old song i wrote about frosted cheerios. i like frosted cheerios. they used to be my favorite kind of cheerio. now my favorite kind of cheerio is honey nut. i feel they are much more subtle than frosted cheerios. plus i like the mascot. plain cheerios are disgusting and should only be eaten by children who don’t know any better. i don’t eat any cereal now except granola because i am very weight conscious, but when i enjoyed sugary cereals, my two favorite cereals were:

1) reese’s puff cereal – it is soft and heavenly
2) cinnamon toast crunch – broth

(prize at bottom of box: here is a heartwarming story about captain crunch)

some of the vocals are heroically off key. i wanted to rerecord them but my voice doesn’t go to that place anymore. in any case, i hope they are more amusing than painful.

song – snow cone

July 31, 2007

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snow cone

i am too tired to write anything.  here is a song about an important snow cone that i had.  i like snow cones.

song – gertrude

July 31, 2007

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today i ate tacos and a bagel and an apple and some carrots. last night the new season of the simple life was on. it was really good. the bulk of the episode was paris and nicole giving colonics to people who were trying to lose weight, to hilarious result. they would also walk the people to an exposed outhouse after the colonics and then , while the people tried to go to the bathroom, would badger them about how they weren’t going to the bathroom. nicole was badgering one of them and he said “it’s hard to go when we’re talking” and nicole said “well let’s just be quiet, then” and continued to stand two feet away from him. totally deadpan. it’s the smartest show on TV. afterwards there was a show about tanning which was subpar.

“Note down what you can see. Anything worthy of note going on. Do you know how to see what’s worthy of note? Is there anything that strikes you?

Nothing strikes you. You don’t know how to see.

You must set about it more slowly, almost stupidly. Force yourself to write down what is of no interest, what is most obvious, most common, most colourless. “

georges perec, species of spaces

today i didn’t feel like singing about food so instead i laid down a beat for my favorite o.g. bitch, gertrude stein, to spit over. this song was originally going to be about broccoli, and the different ways that it can be prepared, but i think it is better as a metapoetic rumination on autobiography. or at least just as good

song – yogurt

July 31, 2007

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 today i ate some yogurt.  the kind of yogurt that i ate was blueberry, mixed with granola. the yogurt was good.  it was yoplait.  the granola was bad because i made a mistake and bought the store brand, which is really just stale raisin bran with an oat cluster every now and then.  usually i buy some fruit flavors of yogurt such as blueberry and strawberry. often i buy the yogurt that is “strawberry cheesecake” or “white chocolate” or “banana pudding” because i like to fool myself into thinking that i am eating something that is a treat.  i read this tip in cosmopolitan. not really.  one time at the supermarket when i was 12, my mother called cosmopolitan a “d and o” magazine”. i asked her what that meant and she said “diet and orgasm”.  i thought this was both a clever and embarassing thing to hear my mother say.

here are some facts about yogurt from a website called hungrymonster.  my annotations are in bold.

“Yogurt, the bacteria we eat. Surprisingly though this bacteria is a very popular snack. In fact, Americans annually spend well over 100 million dollars on this milk product, and eat over 200,000,000 pounds of it each year! Are you into the yogurt habit yet? If not, here are half a dozen good reasons why you should be.

1. Yogurt is not fattening. Plain yogurt contains one third of the fat than one piece of apple pie does. (ignoring the spelling errors, there are several things to love here.  such as the intense logical fallacy, like, just because  yogurt is less fat than apple pie, that means  it is not fattening.  also a piece of apple pie is a funny point of comparison. when i want yogurt i do not want apple pie and vice versa.)

2. It can help your intestine. Doctors prescribe it to patients who suffer from ‘Intestinal Flora’ which can destroy your intestines due to it’s having a large amount of antibiotics or sulfa drugs. (that’s just gross.  the level of science here appears on the level of a fourth grade book report)

3. This one may be of interest to teenagers, it can help your acne. Eat a lot of natural – preferably unsweetened – yogurt. As well as eating yogurt you can wash your face daily with water combined with lemon juice (one lemon to every liter of water). Apply a mask of honey to your face once a week, for approximately one hour, and you’ll have a pimple free face!

4. Suffer from bad breath? Well, eat a lot of yogurt and yes, you guessed it, people might actually sit next to you without holding their nose. (what is the basis in fact here?)

5. Does milk give you an intestinal discomfort? Then switch to yogurt. People lose the enzyme lactase through childhood. As a result, many adults can not properly digest milk. However yogurt already has lactase in it, allowing the food to digest in the body three times quicker than milk.

6. Does osteoporosis run in your family? Or maybe you just have brittle bones and/or teeth? Well eating lots of yogurt can help to strengthen bones and teeth because yogurt is high in calcium.

7. So, are you ready to add a little yogurt to your diet? Want to make it at home? It’s simple. Take some milk (ordinary or skim milk, it does not matter) and bring it to the boil, and then pour it into a container. If you want the yogurt to have a thicker consistency, then add some powdered skim milk. Let it cool down, then add some yogurt culture, or some store brought yogurt, about half a cup to a quart of milk. Stir well until no lumps remain. Then cover the container in a blanket, or keep it in a warm place, around 55 to 60 degrees celsius overnight. Sometimes there is difficultly keeping the mixture warm, so it is recommended that you buy a ‘yogurt maker’ which keeps the mixture at it’s needed temperature. Once it has thickened, you can put it in the refrigerator until you want to eat it. (or you could just buy it in the nice litte packages at the supermarket, you freak)

As you can see, yogurt has a lot going for it. It’s tasty, low in calories easy to make, economical, and most important enjoyable to eat.”

i wrote a song about yogurt and my feelings regarding it. mostly, they are positive.

song – ketchup

July 31, 2007

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yesterday i cooked several hot dogs to have for lunch. when i was ready to dress them, i discovered that there was no ketchup in the fridge. this was tragic. i had some deli mustard and that was all. it was a very depressing moment. all i had was deli mustard and onion. i thought about putting some other condiment on the hot dogs, something to add some sweetness. i considered strawberry preserves. i considered thai chili sauce, i considered pasta sauce. i considered looking up a ketchup recipe and making some from the fresh tomato in the pantry. in the end i just ate the hotdogs because they were getting cold with all the thinking going on.

“Ketchup is ‘one of the greatest successes the sauce world has ever known,’ wrote Elizabeth Rozin in the Journal of Gastronomy (Summer 1988). In its brilliant red color, its rich flavor, and its marked salinity, Rozin theorizes, ketchup represents the “fulfillment, both real and symbolic, of the ancient and atavistic lust for blood,” magically achieved with the use of plant products alone. Rozin also draws an analogy to the Christian Mass and its fruity surrogate for the blood of Christ, but I forget how it goes. All I know is that I discovered a case of Del Monte in one of the celebrated kitches of Piemonte, in northern Italy, vying with tartufi and porcini for the chef’s affections. And last year in Paris, in a kitchen soon to recieve its second Michelin star, I watched the chef add a dollop of Heinz to his sauce of salmon’s blood, red wine, and verjus, a postmodernization of Escoffier’s sauce genovoise. Cervantes once wrote, “La mejor salsa del mundo es la hambre,” the best sauce in the world is the hunger. Cervantes had obviously never tasted ketchup.”

– Jeffrey Steingarten, “Playing Ketchup,” The Man Who Ate Everything, p. 93

i wrote a song about my history with ketchup.