the mushroom lobbyists
August 8, 2007
the mushroom lobbyists
in this sobering hour, where are the mushroom lobbyists? who are the mushroom lobbyists? do the mushroom lobbyists wear suits? do the mushroom lobbyists wear suits made of hemp? of vinyl? how many days a week do the mushroom lobbyists work? do the mushroom lobbyists have a generous pension plan?
where is the office of the mushroom lobbyists? is it in an office building? is it in a barn? is it a state of mind? what is the shape of the office of the mushroom lobbyists? is it tidy? are there finely varnished antique desks? are there rolodexes and bookshelves filled with handsome bound volumes of legal code? are there posters on the walls? are these posters depicting seventies rock bands and magic eye pictures composed of webs of blurry dots?
how do the mushroom lobbyists answer the phone in their office? are they timely or do they allow the phone to ring on, reveling in the tonalities? do they have good phone etiquette? do the mushroom lobbyists keep pictures of mushrooms in their office, the way that nature lobbyists keep pictures of yosemite and tobacco lobbyists keep posters of joe camel? do they keep pictures of people blissed out on mushrooms in their office, in the same way that nature lobbyists show young ethnically diverse children enjoying a hiking trail and tobacco lobbyists show adult males feeling rugged and manly and wearing cowboy hats and adult females looking thin and relaxed and thin?
do the mushroom lobbyists prefer paper clips or staples? what brand of pens do the mushroom lobbyists use?
do the mushroom lobbyists, on the weekends, spend time with the marijuana lobbyists, or are relations between the two offices a thing of necessity? are the mushroom lobbyists jealous of the marijuana lobbyists because of their fancier office and nicer suits and larger cars? do the mushroom lobbyists feel undercapitalized?
do the mushroom lobbyists go out to nice restaurants or do they prefer to cook at home with fine organic ingredients? do the mushroom lobbyists watch their weight? do they jog in the mornings before going to the office, do they ride bicycles, do they do pilates? do they sit at home and clean their endtables and do the crossword on sunday morning?
are the mushroom lobbyists ethical? do they try to bribe parliament members with free trips? are these free trips literal or metaphorical? do the mushroom lobbyists take the parliament members to nice golf courses and dose them with mushrooms in the lush but well-kept greenery? do the mushroom lobbyists dose themselves as well or remain sober? do the mushroom lobbyists doctor the score card, move balls, lie, to convince the high parliament members that they are playing the best golf of their lives? are the mushroom lobbyists good putters?
when the mushroom lobbyists find several doses of mushrooms inside a balled athletic sock in the top drawer of the bedroom of their son or daughter, how do they respond? do they ground the child? do they have, over hot chocolate, a serious discussion about the pros and cons of responsible drug use? or, do they grab the tiny plastic baggie and spirit it away into the secret pocket sewn into their jacket for later and, when their son or daughter return home, act none the wiser?