they tried to take me to rehab, blah blah blah blah

January 10, 2008

“VH1 is the nation’s No. 1 enabler, a cable channel that specializes in exposing and exploiting celebrities and whose drug of choice is impaired behavior. The E! network put Anna Nicole Smith on camera, but VH1 was home to ‘Hey Paula’…”

bravo, alessandra! no, i’m not cheering for you, “hey paula” was on bravo. oh well, it makes sense that a critic who doesn’t like or understand reality television shows wouldn’t know on which channels they appear. yeah, check that best of the year list, in which she takes such a rigid position in this post writers-strike cultural binary (either television is scripted and wonderful or absolute reality trash) that she won’t even consider reality shows for her list, that the closest she comes to one of them is “jeopardy,” about which she says,

“At a time when reality competitions and knowledge-free nighttime game shows threaten to dominate the airwaves, this decades-old syndicated quiz show is still unbeatable.”

um, ok. like i said, this mistake makes sense for someone who seems to prefer engaging with “law and order” reruns (many links to come) instead of with the dominant paradigm of contemporary television, which, by the way, if you like it, probably says something awful about your personality (except she barely mentions reality TV shows in that article, so I guess nobody watches them, right?). really, i’m just happy she’s deigned to review a reality show at all. bravo, alessandra, for reals.

(god i am really not a mean person, i swear, i’m sorry, is this bad karma, is some anvil going to fall on me on my way to work? i am blocked right now, will this make me more blocked? i make mistakes all the time, do they make me a bad person who deserves to be bitterly criticized? maybe i could write a sympathetic fan fiction piece in which alessandra stanley enters the world of “law and order:svu” and drinks steaming black coffee from styrofoam cups and tackles perps down onto the concrete, her badge shining in the sun. maybe that would make me feel better about being such an asshole. coming soon.)

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2 Responses to “they tried to take me to rehab, blah blah blah blah”


  1. By “deigned to” I imagine you mean “assigned to by her boss cuz it’s her job.” That review is appalling in so many ways and you should feel no guilt.

  2. songsaboutbuildingsandfood Says:

    i appreciate the support. i dunno, i thought that the head reporters for a topic like her had some kind of agency in terms of what they chose to cover, but i know nada about newspaper power structures.


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