March 22, 2009
big love is my third favorite show on television and i think this season has been the best yet and my favorite episode was the one where bill is kneeling on the ground at the end, destroyed, and the fake angel rises above him in the background, beautiful, and so overall because of all this i’m sad the show is ending tonight, so this is a midtempo piano ballad cover of the pixies’ “gigantic” to express this sadness. the only mormon i’ve ever known in real life was this kid who was my frenemy from sixth through part of the ninth grade. he was freakishly smart and belonged to this whole big cabal of freakishly smart mormons whose father was this famous mormon plastic surgeon and in the summer before eighth grade, they went to vietnam to do charity plastic surgery and mission work and my frenemy brought back small amounts of devalued vietnamese currency for everybody and passed it out in class and if you didn’t know the vietnamese currency is called “dong” and this went over with eight grade boys about as you can expect. my frenemy had two older brothers who were also freakishly smart and they were known throughout the school for both this and for being handsome, “ooooh,” the girls would say, although i always thought they were handsome in kind of a creepy and empty way, the way gavin newsom is handsome, but i was majorly biased so who really knows. i moved away in the middle of ninth grade but before i did there was the final broken bond in our relationship, which centered around the ninth grade PTA reflections writing contest. the theme was “anything can happen” and i took this theme extremely literally and so wrote a science fiction story about a student who kills his teacher. in ninth grade, we had this honors english teacher who was extremely anal and mean and for example gave us this insane summer reading assignment where we had to read like six books about the holocaust and then had to write character dossiers and chapter summaries and answer discussion questions in notebooks about all of them and this was PRE-SPARKNOTES, by the way. i put doing my summer reading assignment off until the very end of the summer until my family went on our annual beach trip and then i couldn’t enjoy this vacation a bit and was actually really depressed throughout because all i was doing was reading and writing about the holocaust but still i was a good student so i finished my assignment anyway and when i brought it in on the first day of school, the teacher said that i had written it in the wrong kind of notebooks and that i had to recopy it into the correct kind of notebooks or she would give me zeroes. bitch. and everybody hated this woman, not just me, and so for the PTA reflections contest, i wrote this very thinly veiled story about a boy who comes to realize his extremely anal and mean teacher is an alien and so ends up killing her with ink from his pen, which her alien skin is allergic to (this is why she always required her students to write in pencil), all of this culminating in him screaming triumphantly over her dissolving corpse the line, “the pen is mightier than the sword.” yeah, it ended with that line. and when i say “thinly veiled,” i mean that in the first draft of the story, the alien teacher who gets killed had the same name as my teacher and the hero of the story had the same name as me but then when i proudly showed the story to my parents, they said i had to either change the names to fake names or turn something else in. so then we had individual conferences with the teacher about our PTA reflections entries and when she sat down with me, my teacher told me that she knew the story was about her but that she thought it was really good and she liked it a lot, which was when i realized that she wasn’t a total bitch and maybe even a good teacher, even though i still think she was overly anal about the notebook thing, seriously. anyway, so we read our entries aloud in front of the class and mine was by far the favorite, the whole class loved it, feeding subconsciously or consciously on the reality-fiction overlap and also on the cheap but effective stephen king-y drama, they all gasped and laughed and clapped and cheered. after this amazing reaction. i thought i was a lock for the contest as a whole, especially considering most of the entries weren’t awesome fictional stories like mine and were instead clichéd hallmark shit about grandmothers or growing up to be a doctor or scientist, but then when all was said and done and they announced the winners over the intercom, my frenemy won for our whole grade with some clichéd hallmark shit about how with God anything is possible and after that i became really immature and petty and mostly just made fun of him for not being able to drink mountain dew or swear.